A Fresh Start

Welcome back everybody, apologies for a delay in posts, I have just been busy with work and with this new found relaxation and positivity I have, but thanks for sticking with me if you are reading this aha. 

After my latest post and really committing myself to positivity and living healthy, both body and mental wise, I'm really pleased to let you guys know that I've been feeling as good as I ever have been. Ever since opening up to everyone about my issues and what has happened to me over the past couple of years, the feeling of self hatred and self doubt has dissipated within me incredibly. It was almost like all of this weight of guilt I had been carrying around for nearly 4 years about my behaviour, all of a sudden as soon as I opened up, vanished. I felt the weight lift off of me and I was flooded with hope again.

Now this feeling compared to how I have been feeling for the past 4 years and especially the past couple of months is quite literally night and day. It's shocked myself in a way as I never thought I would be feeling this positive after everything that has happened, but hey I'm not complaining!   

I have reconnected with my family, talked more to my friends and the true version of myself has started to blossom. As well as this feeling of positivity, its almost like I can feel myself maturing too, which, if anyone knows me, god that's been long overdue. I mean I am still a silly bugger, but a a semi-mature silly one hehe. 

What I have wanted to say is to anyone that is feeling low or down particularly with the new lockdown restrictions, no feeling is ever permanent. Our minds really are malleable and we can do so much to help ourselves into changing this negative feelings into positive ones. 

Following my latest counselling session, my and my therapist began tom explore these feelings of guilt and self hatred more, as although they have vanished from me since my last post, it's almost like I can feel the remnants of them hanging about. But, as I'm sure a lot of people have done that suffer from mental health issues, I have attacked myself for feeling this way, which only ever used to amplify these feelings. The key I have found is to not attack these negative feelings, try to have a conversation with them, try to understand them, so that you can better see where they are coming from and why they are there. 

Also, since my last post, I continued to go sober. That really benefited me as I felt it gave me a fresh start, so some advice I would give is if you feel like anything is starting to get a grip on you, try to either reduce it, or completely go cold turkey and see how you are coping. Now last night I tried some ciders, and the world didn't end. I had three, felt that that was enough and went to bed. What a massive step that was for me and I am actually really proud of being able to re learn self control last night. May that continue.

So, to finish off, no matter what you have done, what you're going through, hope is always there. Family and friends, will always be there for you. I have since promised to myself to dedicate myself to positivity, and trust me, if I can do this and begin to improve on myself, anyone can. No one is alone, even though it might seem it, someone will always be there to help. Hope is so powerful that if you begin to feed into it and feed into positivity, by doing things that you know will benefit you, both physically and mentally, you will reap the rewards, and your mindset will change. 

May this positivity continue, and I truly hope that anyone reading this realises how unique and special they are. We are all able to change who we are for the better. 

Much love guys, stay safe and catch you on the next post.

David Lark