Intro

Hey, so this first post is just going to be a little introduction about what I'd like this blog to centre around.   I've always wanted to set up a blog, and given everything else that's going on in the world, now seems like a great time to do it. So, for those of you who might not know me who have stumbled across this somehow, I'm David, I'm 23 and I live in Cardiff. I genuinely love life and I want to say that from the outset, as this blog is going to be about positivity and hope, amongst other things. Now this subject matter can be quite daunting and tricky to talk about, but I'm hoping by sharing my experience and views on it, I can help someone out there. Well, here it goes.

For a number of years I have suffered from anxiety. Even the word I think can look a bit creepy. It's something I have dealt with for 5 years now and something that I have let control me, beat me down and act in a manner that at times I feel ashamed of. Carrying that around has hurt and for the past two months I have experienced another extreme deep within my mental health. The way I would describe my mental health is that it has been like a ticking time bomb for the past 2-3 months, it has caused me to hate myself and to have these frantic episodes that I have felt unable to control. An amazing thing is that I have an unbelievable support network around me, which is a key to dealing with mental health I feel. My friends and my family are truly the best kind of people, for this I feel blessed that they are in my life. Whenever I have felt low or have struggled, they are there to help at anytime of day, god bless them honestly because it's been a lot of ups and downs throughout the years, but never a dull moment aha. 

One of the main issues that I would like to talk about in this little introduction post is my frustrations with anxiety and what I have been going through this past couple of months. As I have stated, i really do have a great life, so often when my anxiety flares up or i feel upset or down for any reason, my natural reaction over the past couple of months has been to get incredibly annoyed at myself. I think apart of myself has always harboured self resentment for not being 'normal' or not functioning right as others seem to be able to do. But, through time and with the help of my therapist, I am learning to let these feelings go. I have been in counselling for three weeks now and am with the therapist I have previously been with, so that familiarity really helps. The first week was hard, as with any first step, but this past week in particular I really have felt like myself again, so I have buzzing about the little steps I have taken to get back to myself.

One thing I have learnt over the past two weeks in trying to treat my anxiety is to stop trying it with hate. I have been able to relax within my self, and the feeling of self resentment has really lifted this past week by not greeting the feeling with hate, but by trying to have a conversation with it, to try and understand where it's coming from. A key problem I feel with mental health with my generation in particular is a deal of confusion, where are these feelings coming from, why do I have these feelings, and it can feel incredibly self isolating. Maybe there's were the confusion and, for myself anyway, the shame in having this comes from. 

So to wrap up my first post, the only thing I can promise is that if you are struggling with these issues, the feeling of impending doom or the feeling of terror, they subside. The only thing that's guaranteed in life is change, and no feeling lasts forever. no matter how bad it gets, hope always and must remain. If you are dealing with mental health issues and are still here today carrying on, that shows how strong you really are. Everyday these issues consume someone, maybe somebody that passes you on the street, maybe your best friend, maybe even your Mam or Dad. However dark it may get the light inside us is always there, sometimes we just need to remind each other. 

If you've made it this far, thank you hehe. I hope to carry on a post a week, maybe also coupled up with a poem. Sending my love to everyone. Thanks for reading and catch ya soon!

David Lark 29/09/20