Way Too Long

Lord above, this has been overdue aha. Well I've got a lot of catching up to do with this. So, since my last post, I am still enjoying my job as a Teaching Assistant at my local primary school, it's something that every day brings me laughs and I broke with incredible people that I have grown up around, so I couldn't wish for anything more on my work front.

My last post was to do with social media and I will cover that at another time, but for this first post back I just wanted to keep you guys updated with how I've been and how I've been feeling within myself.

I had the summer of my life this past summer. I rarely viewed socials at all, and I spent as much time with my friends and family as I possibly could. My niece and nephew bring me so much happiness every time I'm with them and I cannot wait to watch them grow up even more!

Jamie (my nephew) has now got FOUR whole teeth, basically an adult already am I right?! He is such a happy little boy and crikey I would do almost anything to make him smile. Now, onto Nelly (my niece), boy she is a little fire cracker! She is such a pretty and funny little girl who I am convinced is going to rule the world one twirl and shout at a time.

My parents I can see how truly relaxed they are now that I have managed to cope with my mental health over the years and to be able to be this happy and stable at this point in my life, I'm just glad I can make them feel proud. 

My friends are the gift that keeps on giving. I believe that friends are the family that you choose, and I couldn't of picked a nicer bunch of people to be around. 

I've been thinking a lot as to why I feel son grateful, settled and happy at the moment, and whilst I have no real understanding of a lot of intellectual things I think its to do with the fact that I've let go the things I cannot control and I have slowly but surely accepted the parts of myself that I view as scary or self destructive, and just embraced it.

Now whilst doing some research, I have found out that whilst the impact of the pandemic has obviously effected everyone's mental health, currently 1 in 6 people per week in the UK experience mental health struggles, this has only increased minorly compared to statistics prior the pandemic where in the UK it was 1 in 5 people. Granted, the struggle everyone has felt over lockdown has impacted majorly the populations mental health, it has always been a problem in this country and world wide.

Now, as the pandemic went on, and though we are still living in unprecedented times, as the weeks go by, the more at peace I have learnt to be with myself and the more at peace with the world I have been. Now COVID, it sucks, it rates about 100 on my 'yeah that's sucks' meter, but I've really ben trying to focus on things that I can affect myself. My wellbeing, physically, what helps my mental health, parts of life or experiences I should avoid to further keep myself happy, and it is really working for me. My way of thinking, If I can't influence it or if an event happens and its completely out of my control, I won't dwindle on it. I won't feel sorry for myself, I will keep myself busy and keep fuelling my mind with positive thoughts, activities and hobbies so I can give myself the best chance of looking after my mental health. Now also, my support network of friends and family is incredible, and I am so lucky to have them in my life. Truly, seeing them doing well and smiling brings me joy, so that always help too.

Now, embracing the parts of myself I haven't always liked. The weird thing I have always found about my anxiety and mental health in general is the self-loathing aspect that comes with dealing with it. Often in the past I haven't ever truly loved myself as a person, always comparing myself to people and beating myself up over every little situation where I thought I could do better or be better. Over time, I have learnt that we all need to cut each other some slack. No one on this earth is perfect, were all just finding ourselves on this little spinning rock called earth at this time and just trying to be the best versions of ourselves we can. I refuse to believe that anyone is a better person than someone because of their status, wealth or any superficial nonsense that kicks about with both being my age but living in the society that we do nowadays. 

Ultimately, if you struggle with mental health or not, YOU ARE WORTH IT. Everyone deserves to like themselves, everyone deserves to be happy. If you're anxiety, mental health or anyone or anything else tells you otherwise, it is pure nonsense. We were put here I believe to do two things, to laugh and to love. I'm living my life doing both and I truly hope as many people (or as little, lol) are reading this, is doing the same. Because as cheesy as it sounds, life is a gift, we have a duty to enjoy it. 

Much love all, stay smiling and stay strong, everyone is uniquely beautiful in their own way. Catch ya all soon.